Episode 14. The Truth about before & after Photos

Let's chat about how we *really* feel about before and after photos!

When we see these before & after photos it usually makes us feel insecure and like we need to "fix" our own bodies. 

Find out how to stop the cycle—why we like to call them before and "during" photos, why people might be posting them, how they make us feel, effects of commenting on bodies, and what you can do when you notice them. 

CW: Mention of eating disorders.

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-Ashley & Carrie
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

Transcript

[Music]
hey it's Carrie and Ashley we welcome you to the self-care Cafe we are both
health professionals and moms and nature lovers and food lovers and love helping
women get over dieting and just start living we think that talking about
bodies and perfect bodies and dieting is just oh boring
did you put you to sleep there Carrie yes so if you are ready to ditch dye
anything and get to living and talk about more important things than you are in the right place we don't put shame
and guilt on the menu here we don't even have to tip us nope
come hang with us the advice is free we want to have a bunch of girlfriends to just hang out with and get real with and
it's time to start living ladies thank you
every time we're all together now how are you I'm great how are you oh
good awesome good what have we got on the menu for today
I think today we're going to talk about the truth about before and after pictures that we see out in the media
this is a great topic great one so
I kind of like to think about before and after pictures as more of a before and
during pictures because as we've talked about in some of the
other episodes when we're embarking on like a healthcare or nutrition or Fitness New
Journey I guess right or on track or however we want to phrase it we tend to
make those not sustainable changes right and when we do that
or when we start doing that there's a cycle of about what three to five years after that that we really don't know
what's going to happen to our bodies or mental health or emotional health so something that we start tomorrow
could end up having effects on us for a few years later and so with before and
after pictures we're only seeing that like snapshot right now of what's
happening with somebody I guess does that make sense Carrie Yeah so basically what you're saying is like they got the
before pictures of before they start whatever program or supplement or whatever it is and then the the
quote-unquote after picture might actually be while they're still in that progress yeah right so if they
stop doing the program or the supplement or whatever
we don't know what after the after picture right exactly so
so when um just so people are clear when we talk
about sustainable habits we're talking about habits that you can sustain long
term like like lifelong habits right yeah so and I previously might have
referred to them as like lifestyle changes but even that term has really
gotten like co-opted by the diet and wellness industry so I think like Kerry
said it would you say Carrie lifestyle habits sustainable habits I like that better because
lifestyle changes are still something that could go on for a little while and then
drop off because they're not sustainable right yeah so so with the before and
after pictures I feel like we all need to see like the before the during which
is the original after picture and then the actual after picture like weeks months whatever years later to really
see what happens because that one snapshot like we were just talking about is only showing us right now and that
doesn't necessarily mean that people aren't going to um gain weight back or lose their muscle
definition or whatever the after picture is sort of meant to show us
because of those long-term things that we were just mentioning right right and I think
this has always driven me a little crazy with all these photos and stuff and when
I was struggling with the eating disorder um at one point I actually had to get
out of so so my background is an exercise science
um but I had to leave my industry for a while because I was like I'm just not
going to be able to um to get better staying in this so I had to quit I quit
all my my professional organizations um all my fitness subscriptions
um because what is on the covers of all of these um it's always
uh you know the the skinny mini with and nothing see see now I'm gonna backtrack
for a second because some people's bodies are thinner they are just naturally thinner so that's what I think
is um we also have to be careful about right is not knocking that right
um either but the the photos and if you do any research on it and in my book I
actually talk about this um is that some they're all photoshopped all of them like all these and so
whether and that's the other question that we were going to raise right Ashley was whether or not we don't even know
like these before and after photos are they even real right because they could be photoshopped either way yeah exactly
or even and even all the filters that we can use now too it's not even just
photoshopping anymore like anyone could get any of the apps or
any of the filters in any of the social media platforms um to make things look super drastic not
to mention lighting poses clothing um all of that can make such a big
difference in pictures what are they actually even airbrush a six-pack on
people yeah for the photos it is it's crazy what they can do so even though
and I also know so here's the other part is that a lot of fitness models when they know they have a photo shoot coming
up they do some pretty drastic dieting yeah forehand
um so it's it's all sort of an illusion really yeah right yeah not even real
reality um so it it's really really
been I think in both of our opinions it's damaging um because you're standing there in the
grocery aisle waiting to check out and you start looking at all these covers or
you're scrolling through social media and whether it's someone posting or it's an ad or something
um I mean I and we were talking about this before we hit record the other day
I was scrolling through and I don't know why it caught my eye but it did and it was an ad for this supplement
and I started going down that rabbit hole and
it's so and I'm telling you this because we are not above it right like it
doesn't mean just because we talk about this that that we are completely perfect with it
um it is so easy on these platforms to get caught up in it and immediately I
started feeling anxious and like oh my gosh I gotta do something about my body and it was it was just crazy how quickly
it hooked me um and it was saying that certain celebrities were using this and this and
that but as I went and researched more about it turned it was became a lot of
question marks um that I'm not even sure that the celebrities that they were talking about
are really using it and you know looked into it more and there were safety issues with it and um all those little
red flags we've talked about yes for sure and I'm glad that you brought that up because
another point that we wanted to make is like scrolling social media and how that affects our mental health in general I
think there's a lot of research being done about that and I think it's really important to remember that it's just a
highlight reel on most people's feeds and it's curated and people are only
posting what they want to post it's not like a 24 7 recording reality show which
even that is totally edited but you know they're only picking and choosing the
parts of their life that they want to share and I think that some people are being way more open about struggles and
things like that but it's still that like edited highlight reel like I said
because they're showing the positives some people are showing the negatives but not
necessarily in the moment for the most part right so um I think that reminding yourself that
this is just someone's like best parts of their life or
um you know whatever is whatever you're looking at like somebody has taken the
time before they hit post to work on that picture or that caption or
whatever you're looking at and how does that affect our Mental Health yeah and how are the like we'd brought
up how were the people how are they actually feeling in them right so these before and after pictures
um well sometimes they're like oh I feel I have so much more energy and I feel um I'm happier
um and what I'm here to say is a former anorexic that losing weight does not
make you happier it might be a temporary fix especially with all the social media
now if if these people you know if you lose weight and you're posting your pictures and people are making you know
commenting on it oh you look great and you know get all these the warm fuzzies right but it's temporary and it's
fleeting exactly yeah and like why are people even posting the pictures to begin with right
that's another important thing to think about like because they want the confidence boost of people that are
going to be like oh you look great or what are you doing and so then it's another way for like people to share
what they're doing which again isn't going to work for everybody else but
also like Carrie was saying like how are they actually feeling because if you can say you feel great but how
hungry are you what's your energy level like and sometimes that feeling great is more
connected to liking how you look at in the moment right
um and I I was a while ago I was with some friends and
someone mentioned said something about they were doing keto and and they said oh I've never felt better and then they
paused and said well except that I don't have the energy to work out
that's a red flag yes right and so that's why we said
sometimes that I feel great actually means I think I look great
right and I like and maybe I like yeah and maybe I like the attention I'm getting right right but
you know inside your stomach is in knots and you've got that nine feeling because you're hungry or maybe you've got your
you brain fog because you can't think
straight because you're not eating carbs or enough carbs to sustain your brain power
uh and also like what's your relationship with food looking like what's your mental health look like
if you're foggy brain you probably have some anxiety because that's what happens when we don't eat enough too so all
those things tied together we can say that we feel great all day long in an
after picture but what's the actual truth because people
like how they look they like the attention that they might be getting um but is that what we want to base our
health on right yeah physical or mental health right right or even at the when you talk
about the PMS model the the soul level exactly that's that's you your size your
weight it doesn't make you the person that you are exactly I'm glad that you brought that up too because if people
are only complimenting you or talking with you or
associating with you because of a change in your body that should be another big
red flag because you're still the same person right and we talk a lot about social
connections under the soul level and I think that finding the right social connections can be really great for your
Health in that level sphere category whatever um so I think it's important to pay
attention to who's around all of the time right yeah I think I feel like we've
gotten with social media I feel like we've gotten this um false sense of
connection people right like all these strangers that we have no idea who they are might
be complimenting on our photos um the but those and and again it's very
fleeting so it right it fills your ego up for a short amount of time but those are
they real connections right you know like are those the people that are there for you in the middle of the night when
you get um you know a phone call or it's it's I just feel like we've sort of
fallen out of um reality yeah
for sure and that's not to say that you can't make really strong great connections online right like I think
it's a great place for connecting with different people especially um if you haven't found your community
in your own area online communities can be wonderful but again that like
fleeting compliments or just likes but not actually having more of a connection
than that um I think is what we're talking about for sure
another thing that I see happening a lot too is with the before and after pictures when someone's posting a before
picture it kind of sends us all the message that like that type of body is
quote unquote wrong and so if we're in a body that looks like that or maybe we're
in a bigger body than that or maybe you know whatever the case may be we're
really internalizing that like like Harry was talking about earlier something's wrong with me because they
felt like something was wrong with them so they're working to quote unquote fix it or you know whatever
um and again that like mental health hit even though we might not think about it consciously it's definitely still there
yeah yeah and that that complementing people on their weight loss is a sticky
one because um back when my eating disorder was just
taking root um you know I lost a few pounds um I was in high school my senior year
in high school and field hockey started and was um doing more running and that sort of thing and started getting compliments
just after five pounds so my teenage brain was like oh well I can if I get
this many compliments and this would be well well before social media or anything like that right so this would be in person compliments
um on just five pounds you know could I get more with more weight off my body so
um it's when when you compliment someone
um you don't know the effect it's going to have on them yeah or you don't know like what you're complimenting like
Carrie was starting to get into disordered eating Behavior at that point and the compliments you received based
on that just further reinforced those unhealthy behaviors or I think we've mentioned it too like what about people
that are getting chemotherapy um and we're complimenting weight loss when we don't know that they're sick or
so many other reasons like maybe someone or yeah go ahead well I was thinking too
you know maybe a family's going through a rough time job loss stuff and they don't have enough food yeah
yeah I mean we just we don't we don't know the reason um and and it is hard because it's it's
a natural thing for us to want to compliment someone typically and I've actually had
like since I've you know the last few years trying not to compliment people on that so sometimes I'll actually have
I've had I remember it just one person in particular they're like you haven't said anything about the
weight I lost I can't believe you didn't notice and and like it's not about that and
I think it just ties into that whole piece about reinforcing that our
appearance is tied to our self-worth right like that's what we've been
talking about and the more we complement appearance and compliment appearance or
changes in appearance the more we're pushing that and so that's what's leading us to wanting to post the before
and after pictures because if my self-worth is tied to what I look like then I'm gonna try to get to what that
like Beauty ideal is right the thinner body um or more fit body or whatever it is
and like we talked about a few minutes ago we're still the same person
right right and and I mean
if if uh self-worth was based on appearance
I guess most of us be waking up in the morning with very little self-worth right like after our faces all squished
on our pillows and stuff I mean it it um it's just a very
shallow way of I mean your your bucket you'd have a very small shallow bucket
of cells if it was based on appearance and just a reminder that it's not our fault like this is just how our culture
has conditioned us all to think and feel
um because we're not born with these thoughts they're you know massaged into
our brain over time um which is very unfortunate and that's what Carrie and I we're trying to
conquer the world but one person at a time exactly
so okay so we know though like I already gave my story the other day I started
going down that rabbit hole right we're not above it and it happens but what do you do when you feel yourself you know
you you find you see someone's post or there's an ad that pops up and you start
looking into it and reading it and and you start getting going down that rabbit
hole and if you're like me it's you start that I don't know it's like a a it's a a physiological feeling like in
your body right like it I feel that anxiety sort of start to creep in I get that knot in my stomach
um what is something you know what's the first thing that people should do Ashley when they start feeling that well like
most of our answers first we have to notice that we're doing it and Carrie I think you made a really great Point like
you physically feel it and you can notice that but a lot of times people
don't or we're not very connected to our bodies because we're so angry with them possibly or we just feel bad about them
so we kind of shut our mind off from our body yeah I think the first step is to just
notice when it's happening because if we can't do that then we can't move through
it um and I think noticing is just such a
big First Step um right so when you're starting to feel something just take a minute
and ask yourself what's going on right yeah go ahead well how how is it you
know maybe maybe not noticing in your body um if you have sort of got that
disconnect going on right now but how is it making you feel like um do I feel like almost like this
urgency like oh my gosh I got it I gotta look into this because maybe this is it right maybe this is a magic pill that's
gonna do it um so maybe it's sort of that and then just just like Ashley said start noticing like when you
feel like in your head those feel or those thoughts how is that feeling it
shows up in your body somewhere right and that's a good first step of also reconnecting mind and body
um it used to be the Mind Body Connection it was all kind of woo-woo and more like yoga you know but there's
so much science behind it now you're we're all it's all of you is connected
um uh even though we have tried to disconnect it in many ways for sure yeah
so noticing it how is it feeling to you what is it making you feel and if you're
on your phone looking at news feeds or any type of social media feeds just take
a break from it for a second put it down like physically distance yourself from it for a minute
yeah one of my favorite exercises is stop take a step back and breathe right
so um because and if you if that means you physically take a step back so like
Ashley said put the phone down shut your laptop off whatever you know close it
um whatever that means because taking that physical um step back
will help clear your head a little bit too um especially if you're breathing
it's always a good thing um and so and and notice how it makes
how you're feeling with it right and acknowledge it like there's nothing right or wrong with how you're feeling
right it just is um but noticing and starting to name those feelings is another good step
um that applies to so many things but especially you know in this case just acknowledge how you're feeling notice
that um there's no shame there's no judgment so don't judge that feeling it just is
right uh there's nothing wrong with you for feeling that way there's nothing wrong with you for getting caught up in
it it's just it's like Ashley said how we've been conditioned to act and feel
exactly exactly and then I think it's also important not to just shove it away
immediately either like like he said acknowledge your feelings
notice them bring them forward name them maybe even sit with them for a little
bit um because if we just shove them aside they're going to come back at some point
probably not at a convenient time right right and a lot of times connected
to those feelings is fear right because now in this case it's a fear of not being good enough or if not having the
right body or um whatever it is um fear but we've talked about this a
lot it keeps you safe it keeps you in your comfort zone so your normal reaction to that ad or to that post is
in your comfort zone and um that is keeping you safe right
because if you tried something else there's more work involved in that it's
sort of unknown to you it's not familiar to you so um you know a lot of times I they say
you know you okay yep I I'm feeling fearful of why am I feeling why am I
feeling what am I afraid of right now I'm afraid of not measuring up right I'm afraid of not being good enough I'm
afraid of uh not being loved because I don't have the I'm not in the right body
um so name that fear and be like hey fear thanks thanks for keeping me safe to this point right because you're here
you're listening to us um you have survived till now but I've got this
thank you I've got this you know and like we've said step away from it
um and just like and sit with it like okay this isn't a big deal and it's
going to be oh God like we talk about like oh it's not a big deal it's what it's probably gonna feel like crap yes
yes um yeah it's not going to feel good because especially if you've been used to avoiding your feelings pushing them
away shoving them down um maybe um you quiet them with
food you know maybe binging maybe you quiet them by going out and uh beating
your body up in a super exhausting um workout whatever it is
um sitting quietly with it is really hard at first yeah it is and it feels
awful like Carrie said because we're used to shoving it down we're easy to doing
something else we're skipping over it but we also like to ask you like how has
that worked in the past what's your experience been with that and if we take the time to sit with it and try to be a
little bit neutral about it like not jumping to a fix or a solution or
um anything like that just sort of sitting processing the feelings a little bit and then doing something to take
care of your body or use some affirmations or like
statements or reminders that can be really helpful one that can be really helpful in this situation with the
before and after pictures is something that Carrie talks about a lot do I know that this is true
right so like for this example do I know that these photos are real
do I know that this person is actually happier in this after photo and we
there's no way to really know the facts behind any of that so that might be a really helpful one for this scenario
yeah yeah because so I have a granddaughter and she's four months old right now and her mom is so amazing at
catching photos of her with these silly faces and the smiles and stuff but how
do I know if you've been around babies you know like they might smile one second or
Screaming the next right so we catch it in that smile and then three seconds
later she's actually screaming so we don't know we like it there's a
saying right pictures pictures tell the truth or you know the truth but I I don't know however it goes but
in today's world we don't really know you know like like in the look at remember like in the back in the early
1900s or in the 1800s the think of the photographs back that no one smiled right right like we would think that
they were all just a bunch of rigid unhappable people but they had to stand there for so long to take the you know
when photographs first came out so we we don't know what they were actually like
as people right so if you apply that to today especially with all the technology today and how things are it's so easy
like even if you aren't a techie they probably have filters in your phone
that can completely change how you look right
um so we don't know do I know with 100 percent you know is this a fact do I know that
am I 100 sure that this is a fact that also goes with whatever claims come
along with those photos yeah and I was just thinking about that with ads they're with ads you really only see
what the marketing company or whatever wants you to see because the captions there and then the pictures
there but if you actually click through and go to like the website or whatever where they're selling it there's
probably a ton of little fine print somewhere and you have to dig really deep to find it and so
if you're jumping to the you know solution we probably already bought it but if you're sitting with it and
thinking about it and looking for like what Carrie was doing looking for the red flags or looking for the more
information you'll probably come across it so taking that moment to really think
about it can be really helpful and then another thing we were thinking would be
helpful for this scenario is am I willing to try this new thing
at the expense of just staying in the same cycle that I've already been in right yeah like how many diets have you
tried how many supplements have you tried how many exercise programs have you tried
um that were not developed specifically for you um it it's think of your cycle Through
The Years um you know has your weight cycled AKA yo-yo right the back and forth you
lose the weight you gain it back and then some you lose some weight and then gain it back and then some right that's
that weight cycling um and it it's exhausting so is this
going to is this just another basically the same thing with a
different bow right right package but with a different gift wrap and and bow
on it yeah uh because chances are it is um especially if they're trying to sell
you something yeah because they always they always make it sound so good and if it sounds
too good to be true it is
that's why we talk about intuitive eating somewhat much because it really is a sustainable way is there some work
involved in learning the principles and applying them absolutely yes
and with that being said it's not exciting it doesn't give you that oh
it's not sexy it's not bells and whistles and it's more of an inner
peaceful right
um as opposed to that like um fast instant results right right and
your your body may or may not even change and I think that's the tricky part to it
because it's not about changing your body it's about nourishing your body and all the ways that Carrie and I talk
about through food through movement through you know other self-care things
like connecting with your body listening to your body all that
yeah and but technically the something does change your brain right exactly
that is so your braided part of your body so so you are rewiring your brain
when you start learning and practicing the intuitive eating principles
um and like we've said it's not there's no perfect way to do that either like it's it's um because
sometimes we fall down the rabbit hole or we start to but because we've we've been practicing for this for so long we
can put the brakes on quickly right and come back climb back out of it
um and that's the beauty of it too is that um it's just it's real
um it's it's we're real into a meeting it's just a real way there's like you
said there's there's it's not exciting um which we could say it was
um and it's just but it's that inner work that changes your brain and the way that
you think and feel and Carrie I feel like now that we are on this topic of
intuitive eating and rewiring your brain I feel like there's research that's been done on people that identify as
intuitive eaters and their mental health isn't it better
it is I can't think of the exact study or any of the statistics or anything but in general people that identify as
intuitive eaters um what was I think it was probably self-scoring right like
what's your mental health and I I feel like this we could we can we'll look up
um that should be a whole separate episode let's do that um and we'll get the stats for you in
the studies and stuff um because there is a lot of research now on intuitive eating
um so since the last 30 years is that no 30 25 30 ish 25 30.
um a lot of a lot of studies that have come out um in favor of it so
um another thing that we can do that we don't want to forget is that just stop
following these people right and it's hard because if it's your best friends
or your relatives or whatever that you like to keep in touch with on social media you don't necessarily have to like
get rid of their page you can there's lots of different options on different platforms there's like snoozing them
there's unfollowing them but you can still be connected I think that one's on
Facebook like you can unfollow their feed but you can still be friends with them or whatever um and if you don't engage with their
posts the algorithms forever our enemies right but the
algorithms will stop showing you so much stuff from them
um so those are for like your social connections that you actually want to be connected with but
as far as like business Pages or influencer Pages or whatever you can definitely unfollow
people that are constantly posting stuff like that or constantly pushing products that make you feel like crap
um and that's that comes back to the notice it right like once you start noticing that this post or this person
is making you feel a certain way figure out how that's making you feel is it benefiting you or not and if not
just hit the unfollow button right then and there because that way you're taking care of it in the moment
you don't have to worry about remembering and going back to it just get rid of it and you can also
on different platforms change your ad preferences um it's kind of different for all the
different platforms but you can you know do a quick Google search of like change ad preferences for Pinterest or change
ad preferences for whatever it is um and for me this is the pro tip I like
to report them as misleading so again the different platforms have different
ways to report things some are more easily accessible than others but I
often report um stuff that is like before and afters or weight loss supplements or weight
loss programs or anything like that I put them all as misleading because they are
now we know right [Laughter]
you go girl yes yeah and like there are I mean I've seen pop-up uh do you want
to see more ads like this and you can say no I think some of them I want to say on Facebook you can even
just there's a little X yep yep X right out of it and like Ashley said the
algorithms pick up like when you're deleting certain things that'll pick up and they'll start showing you other
things but um so but the other thing too is every time you click through on those ads it's like oh she likes
those kinds of ads so that happens to me all the time yeah it happens to me a lot because I Am
Naturally curious about like what are they telling people and not that I'm gonna be a consumer of theirs but I'm
curious about what their like Ploy or what the red flags might be because I
want to be able to help people figure it out and so if it's one that's new and I don't know about it yet I want
to go learn and understand so when somebody asks which is inevitable what do you think about such and such then
I'll have you know some education about what I'm talking about
um so yeah my feed tends to continuously pop things up for me because I do click
through and I do investigate so it takes longer sometimes to get rid of it even
if um you're Googling it somehow they're connected and they're starting the ads
so um yeah so that and that's so that's another way to prevent going
down that rabbit hole is to really pay attention to the ads and and try not to
click through them um because you will see more of them right or even if you just look at it for
long enough or if you like it or comment on it even if it's like commenting on it in a negative way it's
still shows that you engaged with it yeah it's it's all tricky the algorithm
stuff so you know just avoid it if it bothers you and that takes some time too
like going through this process of noticing it and weeding through stuff it takes a
little while and sometimes you feel like you got them all and then bam something else shows up and so just being
prepared with some of those tools that we talked about can be so helpful because you can't control your feed with
ads and stuff like that as much as we try um you never know what could pop up next
right right and you might have to take a social media break right yeah
yep so um yeah just depends on and um on where
you're at and what you need so exactly yeah well awesome anything else you want
to add I think we covered most of it I mean we could talk about it all day long but
um yeah and I just want to before we um sign off I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who is listening to our
podcast um because we wouldn't be doing this without you if you do like it please
feel free to you know forward it and share it social media to to forward our
message yes right because we can use social media for the opposite we can spread real information instead of the
misinformation and chances are if you're listening and you're feeling this way
your friends probably are too and so many of us are and we don't talk about it right yeah because we're embarrassed
or it's like well it's not the norm right I think right I think it you know our goal is to make it more the norm
um but no it's um and be think of yourself as a Pioneer right yeah like you're you're
forging the the way for um other other women and our our
daughters and and um just it's um we've been fighting we've
been swimming up Upstream for a long time Ashley and I have been it feels like beating your heads against the
walls yes and so it is nice to see that that more our joining
um this way of thinking about our bodies and food and everything but there's
still a long way to go so some of it starts in the home right without what we're teaching our kids and
um our partners and um so it's just we kind of starts with us and
and uh it takes a while it takes a village right takes the whole community and like Carrie said share but also let
us know like what you want to hear more about or if you have struggles that you
want us to address or talk about more let us know um you can always send us like direct
messages or private messages so it's not all out in the world to see um or you know any of that or and even
if you disagree with us yeah as long as you can disagree respectfully
um we would still love to hear from you because this is so foreign to so many
people um so it will help us sort of hone our
message also because if what we're saying is kind of confusing or it's not clear um we don't want that we want to make it
clear um for for all of you listening so we
'd love to hear from you definitely so we're all over social media and you can find most of our links um in the
description of the this particular episode or all the episodes so we're on Facebook and Instagram we have a patreon
um kind of all over and on Spotify um you can leave comments and there's a
q a Q and answer Jesus a q a section so question and answer
section so if you have a question um you can ask it there and we can get back to you or make a whole episode
about it or any of that stuff yeah well awesome which is a great
conversation today yes great well thank you so much Carrie love you latte Ashley
love you latte see you next time thank you [Music]