Episode 15. Help! I'm Having a Bad Body Day

We ALL have these days. Days where we just don't feel good in our bodies—thanks diet culture! 

Let's chat about what might trigger us into a bad body day spiral, what might really be going on (hint: it's not that your body is wrong!),  and some ideas for what to do on these days without trying to "fix" your body.  

Some days are just hard, do your best to get through it, we're here for you!

Thank you for listening! We love you latte!

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-Ashley & Carrie
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

Transcript

hey it's Carrie and Ashley we welcome you to the self-care Cafe we are both
health professionals and moms and nature lovers and food lovers and love helping
women get over dieting and just start living we think that talking about
bodies and perfect bodies and dieting is just
boring did we put you to sleep there Carrie yes so if you are ready to ditch
dieting and get to living and talk about more important things then you are in the right place we don't put shame and
guilt on the menu here you don't even have to tip us nope come hang with us the advice is
free we want to have have a bunch of girlfriends to just hang out with and get real with and it's time to start
living
ladies hey Carrie hey Ashley how are you I'm great how are you I'm well awesome
oh what have we got on the menu today I was hoping we could talk about what to
do when we're having bad body days H I hear you on that one we all have
them yes we do we might not admit it all the time right yeah I know I feel like
um some some in our space don't like they want to make it
sound like it's just that's just like that doesn't exist right or something or it should that it shouldn't exist right
like you love your body every day all the time right right and that's just not
how real life is no um so what like what
do you do like when you're having those like when you are feeling quote unquote fat well first first I think let's
tackle like when we say that we're feeling fat yep I genuinely understand
that but also like how are we feeling that like is it the physical sensation
of like just feeling bigger or bloated maybe or is it something else that's
making us feel like that emotion which technically fat isn't in an emotion so
to say that we're feeling fat sometimes I feel like is not quite the right like wording almost even though it's what a
lot of us say I feel like it's a little bit deeper than that yeah I agree I agree agree sometimes it might be more
about maybe like your body insecurities um and feeling like you're
not Measuring Up in some way whether that is physically or maybe it's even
more emotionally or in a relationship or it's like almost like you're
transferring feeling bad about something else onto yourself yeah I I think that
that's true a lot because even when we're just stressed about something I feel like we tend
to pick ourselves as an easy target yeah and bodies are definitely an easy target
because from when we're teeny we're taught to like hate our bodies right yeah it's so easy to pick our bodies
apart right part like well I like this part but I don't like this part it's
it's so interesting because for years um I've done this exercise with classes and
clients and I'll say tell me um something that you like about your body and the it's like
crickets yeah I'm like any anything like tell me anything you like about your
body and it's just so interesting so many what I would say probably the top
one is eyes people like their eyes and isn't that
interesting because you can't do anything about that right and and like it's I don't
know so interesting to me that people pick that yep I guess I wonder too like
your eyes can tell a lot like your emotions and your attitude
towards whatever people are talking to about or like your feelings at the moment they kind of like people refer to
them as like the windows of the Soul sometimes right yeah yeah so it's more about like who you are as a person
instead of like what your body looks like so that's interesting on a couple different levels there it's also
interesting because you look at your body with your eyes oh that's so true I
didn't think so I know oh we could go down a rra whole this one but yeah no it's so
interesting though and and it's also kind of sad that we have to stop and really like that we can get into that
hating our bodies so much we can't even think of one thing that we like about them right and so what I try to do
though with with the exercise is not just liking parts of your body
physically but what it can do for you right so that's also the other part of that exercise as well and I'll say to
them well do you have two arms that work right now yes okay what do those arms do
can you use them to hug people can you hold a child's hand you you know it's like so many and not everyone can right
so it's re regardless of you know if you are missing limbs or you're in a
wheelchair or you have a different ability like that um it's still finding ways to
appreciate your body whether it's like hey my heart is still beating and keeping me alive um I can right like
there's so many different ways to look at it and go deeper um that it it's just a it's an
interesting exercise to do for sure and and back to the eye kind of um idea for
a second like we are looking at our bodies with our eyes but the perception
which is in your brain is where things go arai it feels like right like you can
look at things with your eyes and observe but then we pass the Judgment or
the perception on whether something is good or bad or pretty or not or whatever
it might be that's so interesting yeah yeah little something
else to think about there for sure and I was just thinking about something else too like with your body and like you
said practicing gratitude towards your body that doesn't mean we have to do it like 24 hours a day seven days a week
and that's what we're talking about today is those like those days where it's just like okay I've been working on
practicing gratitude towards my body maybe or maybe this is a new thing for me to even think about but some days
we just don't feel comfortable in our bodies or we don't feel good in our
bodies and like where is that coming from um maybe there's something that's
triggering you about that U maybe there's an event coming up right and you're worried about what yeah maybe
people you're worried about what people are going to think about your body at the event um or if you have to like
dress up and you don't have a lot of clothes appropriate for that event maybe you have to go shopping for something
new oh that's a whole thing we'll get also but like different wardrobes and
different um activities requiring different types of clothes like all of those can bring up this bad body Day
stuff yeah I mean like how many we live up North so how many
women just can't wait for colder weather yeah they could cover up right and then
they dread it when it gets warm again and and I know there I've been I've been there I still have of my days um where
I'm like G I just don't want to you know wear a sleeveless top or you know shorts
or whatever and um you know and as we get older our bodies change in different ways too so you know like Skin's
starting to get a little looser in certain spots and it's like
like but you know there's so many um ads and commercials and products out
there that it's always oh that's happening here's a fix for that right there's our bodies are always um
something to be fixed is what it feels like for sure
yeah and like you were just saying I was actually just thinking about that today I'm like oh I can't wait till it's chillier so I don't have to wear all
this warm weather clothes but not because I don't necessarily like how my body books in them or whatever it's more
about I don't have very many warm weather clothes that are comfortable
right now because I've been going through some body changes and having to have purchase new stuff but I don't
necessarily have enough for like what I would prefer without having to do
laundry every other day time to go shopping again but it's
hard because like K said where we live we don't have a lot of shopping options and so a lot of it's online and that is
just like hit or mess right yeah we'll get into women's sizes
in a minute yeah so so there are definitely triggers right to the to the
the bad body day um and I'll even so I
have I have my man trained now that if I make some sort of self-deprecating
comment like or if he usually it's like following a a compliment that he gives to me I'm just like uh and he goes and
I'm like I'm having a bad body day so we can talk about it but it feels
good to be able to talk about that so you know if you have a partner um a significant other or you know someone
that you can just be honest with it doesn't mean you have to like you know whine to them constantly about it or
anything like that because no one wants to listen to that either in my opinion um but you know just when you're having
like just one of those days and you just feel like a lot of times it's like I feel bloated or you know it's like where
did these boobs come from I didn't have these 30 years ago you know um so it's
just all the the our bodies are constantly changing even though like you
know Hollywood or whatever you know they want to make it look like your body shouldn't change right you should still
look like your 21y old self your whole life it's just not real it's not
realistic it's it's just not true exactly yeah so I think car you
mentioned like triggers about it so what are some other triggers people might
have well I know that um wearing clothes that are uncomfortable right we trying
to squeeze into these clothes um instead of setting them aside or getting rid of them um and keep trying to squeeze into
them and it's just not it's just not comfortable I know if I have like a top
bom that's too tight I'm constantly pulling at it um after that too like if you're
constantly adjusting or you're constantly thinking about how tight it is or how uncomfortable it is we tend to
then like say oh I need to do such and such to quote unquote fix my body
because the shirt didn't fit like this a few weeks ago or a month ago or last season or whatever it was and so the
tight clothes and I think we've mentioned this in other epod probably is tight clothes make us want to like like
I said quote unquote fix our bodies and do something about it and that's not how
clothes are supposed to make you feel no and clothes are so funny right
like there there was this one pair of um really nice leggings that uh my bonus
daughter got and so her dad wanted to get me a pair I went and I tried them on
and I immediately I said' nope they they're not they are not cut for my body
right they just they were not comfortable and I loved them I wanted to be there but I couldn't F they were not
cut for my body shape they just weren't and that's such a good realization
because a lot of people might be like instead of thinking oh these just aren't cut for me right like you're saying that
the clothes are wrong in that statement you're not saying oh I have my body's
wrong because they don't fit into this pair of leggings right like I've got to change something about my body to make
them fit those when the real you know realistically really the way that they were made you know I just I don't have
an hourglass figure you know I don't have a waist that goes in I'm just very straight so and that's how they were cut
was smaller on the waist and then yep so they just they that's just not my body
um so I found some that did fit it exactly so yeah the tight tight fitting
clothes is a big one and also keep it in mind also that um you can something can
fit decently in the morning and as you go through your day and you eat and you drink um by the end
of the day your body has changed some yeah or even like just the quality of
the clothing too like it stretches during the day or whatever things just
move yeah yeah um and realizing that that's normal I think that's a lot of this too
that Ashley and I are trying to get across is that this is normal this is real this is real life versus what you
will see on social media on you know TV and the movies and things like that the
diet culture wants you to think like no this is your body this is like what you should always look like but that is
that's just not how our bodies work right yeah so yeah what are some other
triggers Ashley oh I feel like looking at pictures of
yourself is a big huge one and we should probably do a whole episode about that
um so we'll just talk about it briefly for today but you know looking back on photos even if they were from an hour
ago or three years ago or even longer than that ago or a month ago whatever
anytime we look back on pictures I feel like it's triggering because we like Carri said we change our
bodies change and whether you're looking at a picture of a time when you were like really into diet culture and you
know maybe like the way you looked um and now it's different that can be triggering but also looking at your body
and maybe saying oh I was thinner then and what was I thinking and you know
it's a whole array of feelings and photos are defin defitely a big big
trigger for a lot of people yeah for sure and like you had already mentioned events so if youve got like a a class
reunion or a family re reunion or a vacation or something weddings yeah that's a huge
one um that that can be very triggering um and just and and then what
do a lot of people do though right we try to like slim down the event right
like what is it like shredd it for the wedding or like just that's more for
brides probably but still there or like if you're invited to a lot of Summer barbecues or pool parties or boating
outings or whatever where there's probably a bathing suit involved those are even more pressure because there's
probably less fabric on most of the clothes required for some of those events um which UPS the security factor
and I think and like I said we should do a whole another episode on like photos and stuff like this but I feel like
thinking about it more as the activity and the memories and the time that
you're going to spend with people that you like hopefully that's why you're going um and having a good time should
really outweigh like those insecurities because no pun intended right outweigh
yeah and it's so awful to be like oh people aren't coming to this maybe it's
because they're worried about what their body looks like and what other people are going to think and in reality if
it's people that care about you hopefully they don't care about that right right um that's another trigger we
talked about too is like having conversations with people who are critical of your body or other people's
bodies um so like if you're sitting next to someone and they're nitpicking somebody else's body and you're like
well mine doesn't look that much different than that right what are they thinking about me right and they're just not saying it so yeah all of that but
and I also this is a little uh reframe for that when you find yourself in those
situations because we often do um when someone is nitpicking other people's
bodies it's usually because they don't feel good in their own right uh so if you remember them
like oh okay that they're saying that because they really feel like crap in their own body so um you know so I'm not
gonna you know I feel bad for them that they have to put someone else's body down um because they don't like their
own exactly yeah and you can find ways to change the conversation or leave the
conversation um how about them Red Soxs yeah and again that's probably a whole another episode at some point right
right how to Pivot pivot a conversation um but yeah and also so
another trigger is just shopping for clothes oh my
gosh I have so I used to enjoy shopping a lot
I still had problems finding clothes because I have very short legs
so everything was always too long but I truly do not enjoy it anymore um and
it's so frustrating because like we mentioned just a a second earlier like
the fashion sizes for women's sizes is
absolute I'm not going to say it but BS they're they're effed up they
are there's no other way to say it is they are just they're you wear you can
wear a smallin one brand and in another brand the same kind of clothing is a
large you know like it it or an extra large it just doesn't it makes no sense at all that's
why just don't worry about the size on the label right it's it's because they
just are so so wonky they they yeah yeah or even like going to a
department store and picking up like five different brands of the same size like let's just say size 10 or something
and you hold them all up next to each other and it's not even close to the same thing all different they're all
different the waist might be bigger it might be plus all the different cuts
there are yeah yeah yeah and shirts I mean it yeah it is so crazy so you know if
you can shop and start remembering that that the the size on it really doesn't
mean anything right and some people I totally understand that there's not a lot of sizes that fit you in a store
which is a whole other topic that gets me fired up like I just don't understand
because most people wear over a size 146 but a lot of places that's where
like the sizes stop and it's insane like we're telling
like 60% of the population which is more than half right that we're not going to
carry your size it's total total chaos I just don't understand right and then
then you wonder why people can't you know why would they end up wearing clothes that are too tight right right
because you can't find anything right right for sure any other triggers so I think going
along with shopping kind of like the um like changes of season when you have to
try on clothes that are in your closet um for different weather patterns like
going from springwinter to Summer and going from summer fall back to
Winter um can be a big one because you haven't worn those clothes in months at
that point usually um for us here it's not quite so drastic but one month right
but it's not far off um but yeah changing seasons
because like we said you haven't worn those clothes in months probably um and
that can be tricky because like we talked about your body can change over that short amount of time and it gives
you some feels because you try them on they don't fit um and it's like well
what's wrong with my body because I used to fit into these like three months ago um that can send us into into that bad
body day spiral for sure for sure yeah there's a lot of we you
know we can't wait sometimes for the fall we can wear warm weather clothes
again um but but we shouldn't feel that or you know not don't Sho all over
yourself Carrie um you don't need to feel that way it doesn't it doesn't need to be part of our day and even though it
is we can figure out like how to deal with
that for sure definitely because some days are just bad days and no matter
what you do you still have those feelings which is fine it's just what do we do with them so right instead of like
H I feel like sometimes we just need to take that step back and decide what to
do with the feelings instead of immediately like jumping to a reaction right remember that difference
between response and reaction right K you want to remind
everybody yeah so a reaction is that sort of emotional knee-jerk reaction you
feel something and immediately you react without thinking um you just totally an
emotional reaction a response is when you stop and you take that step back and
you breathe and you get that oxygen to your brain and it also calms down your
emotions by that with those you know deep breaths and then you can respond in
more and a more intellectual right it gives you that extra time to like process and decide what to do so like in
this scenario if we were having a reaction to our bad body day like let's say some shorts didn't fit when we're um
getting ready to go somewhere um so we're on a time crunch right and we could say oh my gosh these short shorts
don't fit on um and you could say all these negative things about yourself and then decide I'm starting a diet like
today right like that's the reaction yeah and you could choose to wear anyways too like that's another reaction
right or um you say why bother and you go bury yourself you know in a whole
carton of ice cream right exactly so they both extremes right either one
instead of stopping and saying okay my bodies
changed um it's normal for bodies to change and um and also ask yourself and
be honest what um how your how have your health habits been right have I am I
engaging and self-care and taking care of myself and my body um
and kind of it is what it is right now do do I have something else that I could
wear that would be more comfortable um um and and kind of deal with it that way
but being real about it um and and not be not beating yourself
up over it right because what that's just G to make you feel crappier about yourself right um but and just you know
find something that fits and get on with your day is kind of it but you can and you
can kind of think of it like um ABCs is what I um like to use so um the a is
acknowledge how you're feeling so when you've when you are
having you have that day and you're like H and you start you know you start all the self-deprecating comments I'm so fat
why suck why you know why I'm so so stupid why did I BL you know whatever
why did I eat that last night or whatever it is um just stop acknowledge
how you're feeling without like Ashley says don't judge it just acknowledge it
right and try to figure it out like is there something else to this like if I'm saying to myself like
why did I eat that last night like what's going on is it stressed because
you're trying to get out the door or is it stressed because you're worried about what people are going to think of you at like the event we talked about or like
what's happening are you going to meet someone for coffee and they tend to be very
critical right and then you're dreading that conversation right right um are you
already running you're running late already and now you can't find anything to wear um and maybe you're actually upset
with yourself for not getting up 15 minutes earlier you know you're you hit the snooze again or you know what really
is going on with that um so acknowledge
Unit A take that set back and breathe and then commit to using your tools and that's one of them is to sort of reframe
it and kind of dig in deeper like what is really going on what's um what is going on in my life right now what am I
really upset about yeah um and maybe it really is like your body like your your
um maybe there's some fear with the changes that are going on in your body
um maybe you acknowledge um that you haven't been
engaging in self-care right you haven't been moving your body you haven't um
been eating mindfully um and and paying attention to
your hunger cues and your fullness cues and um maybe you haven't been um TR you
know dealing with things in your life that are stressing you out um maybe you
haven't been sleeping well maybe you haven't had a good bedtime routine and you've been staying up too late and like
do you see that like there's all kinds of things it's not just about food it's about a lot of things that could be
going on um but it's being honest with yourself about um what you have or haven't been
doing and and just to add on to that too it's like normal for us to feel about about our bodies like no matter what
they look like just because that's how our culture is Right which is so
frustrating yeah because you could be a size two and still hate your body right
right there's always it doesn't matter what size you are what you weigh how old
you are um we can always find reasons to just like our bodies
right exactly so so yeah so once we kind of work through that a little bit or maybe
not working through it entirely but then we can figure out how we want to respond
respond to it right Carrie like maybe we'll choose to do something else um
like a selfcare activity like let's choose the comfortable clothes like you mentioned let's go for a walk to kind of
like decompress um have some tea or listen to music or read or have a dance party or
call a friend or whatever might help or sit on sit on your stability ball and bounce yeah something
that is I I you laugh but try sit on one of those balls and bounce and try to be
upset you can't do it it's impossible no I challenge I to do that try it that is
that is for Real a tool that I tell people I could just picture you being all pissed and go sit down and I start
bouncing and you can't you like you file especially someone comes in like what are you doing bouncing cuz I'm
mad you're going to laugh right yeah and some days none of that's
really GNA like work or make you feel better per se but it might help a little
bit or you can just remind yourself if it's one of those days and you're like I'm just not GNA be able to get out of
the Spiral that I'm in maybe you can at least stop from going down further and just remind yourself like I'm going to
get through this day even though it might be crappy I might have these thoughts all day and I'll just get
through it right yeah and keep it in mind that it's one day right like and
you can kind of choose how you want to feel tomorrow if one of your reasons for
feeling like that is um because you don't have clothes that
fit then maybe a you know a shopping trip isn't order um so that tomorrow you
have clothes that fit yeah um and so always look for the solutions um that as
long as they include uh nourishing your body and not starving it or um punishing
it punish yes that's thank you punishing it um because when you punish your body
you're ultimately also punishing yourself at a deeper level right and it's setting back like we've talked
about with dieting like ultimately that self-punishment or self-hatred turns
into the self-punishment which just sets us back in this whole like Journey
process of trying to be kinder to ourselves right and you know stop and
ask yourself okay I this is what I normally do this is normally how I treat myself right when I'm feeling like crap
I punish myself how how is that working for you right right has any anything changed
from from you punishing yourself right or do you just find yourself back in that cycle like we want to help you
break the cycles that are making you feel like this yes amen yeah well on
that note break the
cycle awesome this was a good conversation I agree and of course we'd love to know what you think of it um and
if if you have any of your own tips that work for you when you're having one of
those days we would love to hear it um and we might share it yeah you can find us on Facebook and Instagram and patreon
and all these cool places um all the links to those are in the show notes in the footer at the
bottom yeah yeah so let us know all right well thank you my dear thank you
another great conversation we'll see you next time love you latte love you
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